Stop the rot ( Friday 12 February 2010 )

Malice in any shape or form is inherent in human nature. But, with due diligence, maturity, intelligence and common sense, it can be avoided.

Intentional malice specifically directed towards a target is intolerable in any decent society. Even worse are stories made up to make someone look bad or bring them down. A proverb says, ‘What you do not see with your eyes, do not say with your mouth."

Psychologists say gossip helps us feel like we fit in and helps us bond with others. While most gossip is innocent (so-and-so is getting divorced, the new guy drives a Lexus, etc) and quite harmless, there are times when gossip can be malicious.

In the following circumstances, the gossip has crossed the "acceptable" line and has morphed into something that can hurt someone emotionally or practically (such as putting their job or marriage in jeopardy): exposing something that's supposed to be a secret; lying about something; saying something hurtful; spreading a negative rumour; saying something to be malicious or spiteful. Stop the gossip and protect your emotional health. Approach the gossip in a non-confrontational, but forthright, way. If the gossip still persists, you can fight back by letting those in your social circle know that this particular person is saying untrue things about you or others.

Protect your emotions by tapping into your natural ability to let go of negative thoughts, including anger or resentment. Don’t ever participate in malicious gossip yourself in retaliation against the gossiper.

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